I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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