Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
