Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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