I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
