Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
