Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
