she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
