Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
