it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
