Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
