i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
