Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
