i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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