...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
