The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
