Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
