But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
