Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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