Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
