The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
