Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
