I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
