mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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