I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
