I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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