I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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