I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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