i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
