if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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