do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
People in love make me want to vomit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
