Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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