we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
