we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
