she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
