i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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