O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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