my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
