Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
