im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize