didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize