He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize