Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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