eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
