I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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