I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
