My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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