so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
