can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
