It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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