no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
