I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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