was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
