thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
