another moral hangover. fuck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Mom said you looked used
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
