I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
