as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
