So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
