he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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