Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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