had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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