Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
