I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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