I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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