I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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