Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
