just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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