I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize