The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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