Screwed.edu
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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