dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
