did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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